My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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