I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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