I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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