Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
