She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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