what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
