is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
