That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
