i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
