I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
