i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
