i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
