oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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