I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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