I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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