Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
youre lurking in front of me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
