we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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