I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
