We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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