Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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