I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
