he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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