I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize