i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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