She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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