i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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