True but thats because hes a fetus.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize