I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
