I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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