so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
