I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's great music for shaving your balls
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
