We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
