Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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