My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
