I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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