oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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