I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
