we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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