I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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