Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
