I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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