You're so nebulous sometimes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
