And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
