Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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