oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
