My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
