I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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