You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
