I hope mine doesn't look like that
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
