there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
