I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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