I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
