You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
