I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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