12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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