Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
