Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
