Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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