You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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