And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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