I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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