I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
